Yeah, I've tried blogging before and ran out of time and patience in about a week. That was when I was 15, so lets see if things have progressed.
I'm living an average life in an average house in an average city.
My life should be as average as you get, I should be the Average Joe Bloggs.
I'd love to live the life of an everyman, but I know that's not going to happen unless I win some kind of weight reduction surgery and new teeth. It's annoying yes, but I'm used to it. I can live with my gut that means I have to wear jeans that are too tight on my waist, but are wider than a small submarine on my legs.
I can't even like average music. I'd love to be able to say I'm some kind of indie kid with more check shirts than Imelda Marcos had shoeboxes, but I'm not. I don't like Two Door Cinema Club. I don't like Professor Green. I don't like The Wanted. I don't like Taio Cruz. What I do like is music that contradicts itself in as many ways as it possibly can. I'd love to say I did it on purpose, but it's more annoying than interesting.
I like to see myself as individual as possible and not some kind of corporate puppet, yet I still flock back to Lady Gaga and Kesha when I need some ear sugar. I'd also like to say I'm some kind of devotee to a genre, but yet again, I'm not.
I could label myself as a metalhead thanks to the Megadeth, Anthrax and Behemoth that I have.
I could label myself as a hardcore fan due to the Dillinger Escape Plan, iwrestledabearonce and Despised Icon I sometimes listen to.
I could label myself as a rivethead with my Nine Inch Nails, Rammstein and Prong on my iPod.
I could label myself as a neo-raver because I listen to Aphex Twin, Venetian Snares and Prodigy on my computer.
I could call myself a pop slave, mainly because of the vast playlists of Pink, Miley Cyrus and La Roux.
But I'm not.
I'm some sort of Blendtec sponsored bastardation of every kind of music fan mixed with an unhealthy scoop of self doubt flavoured non-dairy ice cream. I can maintain conversation with any type of music fan, for a short period of time, but when they ask what else I listen to, I scare them off.
The At The Gates fans are scared of the Alphabeat, the Beck fans are afraid of the Black Dahlia Murder, The Electric Six fans shit themselves when they see the Evile and the System Of A Down fans won't tolerate Spongebob Squarepants.
Yes. Spongebob Squarepants is a legitimate recording artist in my eyes. That may be a contributing factor to the feeling of alienation, actually. I'll look into that.
I fail at being mainstream in pretty much everything else in life too, which is a quality pretty much any hipster would adore, but is pretty shit for someone who just wants friends.
Call Of Duty or Battlefield: BC? No, I'll take the Rock Band 3.
Fifa or PES? I'll pass, hand me the Beautiful Katamari.
Halo or Left 4 Dead? Ugh, neither. I'll take Lips thanks.
Stella or Carlsberg? Umm, I'll have the lemonade.
The Inbetweeners or Skins? I'll go for the Derren Brown if you don't mind.
I'm even bloody abnormal in 6th Form. Last year people saw me as a vocally adept academic, studying Biology, Chemistry, Physics and Spanish. Then I failed half of them.
Then after tedious negotiations, I continued with Chemistry and Biology and picked up Psychology and Drama. Now people see me as the chancer who risked his arse by picking stupidly hard subjects and crawled back up with throwaway subjects. I'm guessing I still haven't quite recovered from the shock of failing. I was near enough a straight A student from primary school, all the way to my AS exams.
B. C. D. E. U.
None of those are As. I was so hyped by my school to be the next millionaire from computing or the bringer of world peace with my philosophies and negotiating skills*. Then it came crashing down in a pile of shit coloured glass around my feet. It still hurts to look at the results papers to this day, even after every teacher saying that with the level of work I did warranted As and Bs and that I had been screwed over.
It's still a lead weight, knowing that I've got these failures overshadowing any good I do.
* Yes, they actually said this among other things pertaining to the illusion I was second only to the next bloody coming of Christ.
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